


The Moist Cave

by SkyWrites



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Gen, Humor, Parody, Spelunking, moist - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 03:56:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8235266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWrites/pseuds/SkyWrites
Summary: Undyne and Papyrus go explore a moist cave! Please take this literally.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this post.](http://kaesaaurelia.tumblr.com/post/151401539838/elvhenani-ive-seen-a-lot-of-terrible)
> 
> Written by Sky.

“AHA!” Papyrus shouted, causing the snow filled trees to rustle ever so slightly with his booming voice. “THIS MUST BE IT!” His bony fingers pressed against a delicate paper; a deed.

Undyne’s sole eye widened a bit, her armored boots clunking through the snow. “I didn’t think we’d actually find anything. I kind of wish we didn’t.”

“I TOLD YOU! WHY WOULD MY BROTHER LIE?”

“I can think of a number of reasons,” she muttered under her breath, an angry fog crystalizing near her face.

It had been a long trek through the forests past Snowdin village. The adventurous duo climbed down steep cliff sides, maneuvered through a sea of trees and snow, and followed an extremely vague set of directions written down on Sans’ deed. Examples like ‘there’s a tree i really _pine_ for. turn left there.’ And ‘when you see our pet rock’s parents, take 10 paces forwards, then 10 paces backwards, and go left again. you gotta be _rock_ steady on this.’

Papyrus, of course, felt the need to follow the instructions down to an absolute T. Even when they were told to literally go in a circle for twenty minutes. But, after what felt like hours, the directions paid off. Well, not really. Undyne really had hoped their destination wouldn’t exist.

“THE LEGENDS WERE TRUE!” Papyrus shouted gleefully. “MOIST CAVE!” He nyeh-heh-heh’d triumphantly, holding out the paper to no one in particular. “AND I HAVE THE DEED!”

‘Moist Cave’ as named by the owner, Sans, didn’t appear to be particularly interesting. It was damp, it was dank, and it was dark, and it loomed ominously over the duo. Nothing about it particularly screamed ‘moist’ but Undyne figured that was Sans’ best description of it.

Not to mention there was a dopey wooden sign stuck above the mouth of it with ‘moist cave’ written in terrible hand writing.

Disgusting childish jokes aside, (Okay, it was a little funny at first, sure, but it was getting stupid at this point) the cave itself looked pretty deep. There was absolutely no telling where it led or how far down it went. Undyne obviously didn’t fear for her safety, but she worried over her best friend.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea, Pap.”

Papyrus was shocked. His scarf had been flowing in the wind heroically, (just like her hair would!) but now it fell flat. “UNDYNE!? ARE YOU ACTUALLY SCARED?”

She clenched her fist, trying to suppress the urge of screaming ‘is that a challenge?!’ Instead, she grumbled, “No, but this just seems stupid, you know?”

“NYEH, AN ADVENTUROUS SPELUNKER LIKE MYSELF WOULD NEVER TURN DOWN SUCH A WORTHY DISCOVERY!” He turned to Moist Cave’s mouth. (ugh.) “I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO EXPLORE SANS’ MOIST CAVE!”

She cringed. Hard. “Oh my god, please, Papyrus, stop.”

This offended him. “WELL!” He pouted. “IF YOU WON’T, THEN I GUESS I’LL EXPLORE SANS’ MOIST CAVE ALL BY MYSELF!”

“NGAH!” Undyne roared in embarrassment and frustration. “Fine! Fine! I’ll go with you, but please, stop saying that!”

Papyrus’ eye sockets sparkled with glee. “I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE COMING, TOO!”

 _Please no more,_ Undyne thought to herself, suffering more than any physical attack she’s ever taken. She could practically hear Sans’ slow heavy breathing laughter. It infected her mind. _heh heh heh heh_.

“Let’s just get this over with already!” she huffed, snow crunching beneath her greaves as she stomped into the dreadful hole.

Papyrus was a little concerned with Undyne’s adverse reactions, but it mattered not! He was just happy to go spelunking with his best pal. With a few more nyeh’s and heh’s he pulled out a reliable bone torch from his backpack. Sure, he had flashlights at home, but those wouldn’t be authentic! With a happy scamper, he joined Undyne in the Moist Cave.

The flame licked the air, sending shadows across the cave’s walls. It was dark, and the duo could barely see anything through the thick black, but could anyone really classify it as moist? Once the snow stopped crunching beneath their feet, it was fairly dry.

“MAYBE IF WE GO DEEPER, IT WILL BECOME MOISTER?” Papyrus asked innocently. His voice absolutely boomed against the walls, echoing the word ‘MOISTER, MOISTER, MOISTER’ over and over.

Undyne was actually dying. The worst part of it all? She still chuckled ever so slightly, but the pain far outweighed the laughs. Ngah! She had to get her mind out of the gutter. “Pap, what do you even expect to find here?”

He grinned heroically. “NOT A CLUE!” he said with absolute certainty. “PROBABLY NOTHING! BUT WHAT IF THERE’S TREASURE? OR ANCIENT RUINS?”

Papyrus’ enthusiasm burned in her chest. “Or ancient treasure!!” Undyne yelled excitedly. Suddenly the possibilities were endless.

“OR UNENDING DARKNESS!”

“Or a horrifying demon hell-bent on destroying the world!”

“OOOH!” They yelled together in harmony, completely forgetting any troubles or doubts they might have had before. “THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!!”

“I’d smash that demon and save the whole world!” Undyne grinned.

“AND I’D WATCH AND TELL EVERYONE HOW COOL IT WAS TO SEE!”

Their imaginations were running wild, feeding off each other and hyping each other up more and more. While they were having a grand time, they unfortunately stopped paying attention to where they were walking.

Before they knew it, the ground became loose and slippery. Papyrus was the first to tumble, his bone torch clattering down into the dark. Undyne’s clunky armor clashed and clanked after. “Papyrus!” she yelled out worriedly, the world swirling and turning around her in a mix of mud and black.

There must have been a steep muddy hill somewhere along the way. Undyne coughed and sputtered, completely blinded by the darkness, covered in wet mud. Adrenaline pumping through her veins, she scrambled to her feet, glowing green spear in hand, and eye flashing in the darkness. “Papyrus!” she called out again, unease cracking her voice. If she let anything happen to her best friend, she’d never forgive herself.

“OWWIE,” a voice groaned in the dark, not too far.

The emerald glow of her spear was no torch, but it was just enough. Covered in dirt, dust, mud, and all sorts of other slimy stuff, she found a pile of bones moaning on the floor of the cavern. Ignoring the hot humid air, Undyne quickly helped her pal up to his feet. “Are you okay?”

Trying to hide his winces and groans the best he could, Papyrus stuttered, “O-OF COURSE! SUCH A FALL IS NO MATCH FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” He shook his skull, trying to escape dizziness.

Undyne breathed a sigh of relief. “Where are we anyway?”

Impressed with Undyne’s glowing spear, Papyrus clenched his bony palm, materializing his own bright blue glowing bone. “I’M NOT SURE! IT SEEMS WHEN WE GOT EXCITED THE CAVERN FINALLY BECAME MOIST!”

Even though it was terrible, even though they were what was possibly a life-or-death situation, even though she tried her best not to, another chuckle escaped. Dammit!

After a few moments, their eyes adjusted to the dark. Their surroundings became more clear. The cave had opened up in a huge way, the ceiling held high up past the darkness. Droplets of warm water pelted them and onto the muddy ground below. To their surprise, trees had sprung up around them in the dank, dark atmosphere, moss and vines tangling together.

“A JUNGLE!” Papyrus cried out excitedly.

Undyne was perplexed. “A jungle? Underground? How are all the trees growing in the dark?”

“WELL, HOW ARE ALL THE TREES GROWING IN OUR UNDERGROUND?”

“…Good point.”

A bony finger placed on his chin, Papyrus thought aloud. “WE MUST BE SOMEWHERE UNDERNEATH WATERFALL AND HOTLAND! THAT’S WHERE THE WARM WATER IS COMING FROM!”

Undyne shrugged. “Works for me.”

“TO THINK IT WOULD TURN OUT TO BE SO HUGE! AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU CAME INTO SAN’S MOIST CAVE NOW, UNDYNE?”

She didn’t laugh at that one. “Please, stop,” she winced, suddenly feeling the urge to tear her aquatic ears out.

“WE CAN’T STOP NOW!” Papyrus practically pleaded. “WHO KNOWS WHAT LIES DEEPER IN THE JUNGLE?” He paused. “ALSO WE’RE COMPLETELY LOST ANYWAY SO MIGHT AS WELL!”

Despite the horrible god-awful imagery and childish jokes, Undyne was inclined to agree. She was no stranger to adventure, and she wanted to find out just what the hell lived down here! “Right behind you, Pap!”

Papyrus grinned heroically and looked out into the dark dank depths of the jungle. A bush rustled in the distance, followed by a few plops which sounded suspiciously like feet hitting mud. Hopefully that was just the rain?... “L-LADIES FIRST!” Papyrus insisted, not scared at all. “WOULDN’T WANT TO BE RUDE!” Nope, not at all.

Slogging through the Underground’s underground jungle proved to be quite the difficult task. With only the bright green of her spear and the blue glow of his bone, there was not much light useable for navigation. Wet vines and leaves grasped and clung to the spelunkers constantly like hungry hands. The ground beneath their feet was incredibly unstable. Steps ranged from slippery, to sticky, to much deeper than one could estimate. Due to her heavy armor, Undyne found herself getting stuck in the mud more than a few times, but luckily her pal was always ready to help her out.

To Papyrus’ discontent, the bushes and trees kept rustling on their own. Every so often a high pitched noise could be heard in the distance, followed by a quick slapping of feet on mud. They couldn’t shake this inexplicable feeling of being watched.

The noises were getting louder and louder as time went on. Undyne’s armor was both a blessing and a curse. While it might protect against any would be attackers, the heaviness of it and the heat of the cave were really starting to tire her out. Sweat burned her lone eye as she struggled through the muck, gauntlet gripping her spear fiercely.

“Show yourself, cowards!” Undyne roared into the darkness, attempting her best bluff. But her chest heaved and her breaths were turning into gasps.

The creatures decided to answer the warrior’s challenge. Drums beat to a tribal on all sides. Vines swayed this way and that, branches cracked, and mud gurgled. Papyrus put on the best brave face he could muster, attempting a pose in his battered battle body, but was fooling no one. Soon the enemies would be upon them.

Undyne cursed to herself. For once, she wasn’t confident she could take any would be attackers in this state. She couldn’t let them die here! She couldn’t let Papyrus get hurt! Not here! Not in these stupid caves, at least!

The bushes opened up and a blur jumped out towards the spelunking duo. “hOI! i’M t—”

“ _NGAAAAAAAAAAH_!”

Nerves shattered and mind nearly broken, Undyne reflexively punched the poor Temmie right in the face. To her shock and terror, the Temmie let out a squeak like a doggy chew-toy, with the texture of one too. It was like punching a sponge! What the hell was going on?!

The Temmie’s face had been caved in by the punch for but only for a mere moment before returning to its original shape, completely unharmed. “aaAAAaa! mUSCles r nOT cUTE!!”

Her adrenaline fading into sheer confusion, she dropped the Temmie into the mud. The forms around the trees and in the darkness stepped into the green and blue lights of their weapons, revealing themselves as simple Temmies as well.

“OH MY GOD!” Papyrus cried out. “UNDYNE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE’VE FOUND?!”

“…Temmies?” she answered dumbly.

“NOT JUST ANY TEMMIES!” Papyrus picked one up casually for study. The Temmie didn’t mind. “IT’S THE RARE ENDANGERED MOIST TEMMIES!”

“What.” Undyne was awe-struck. This was a joke, right?

Papyrus pushed the Temmie into her fishy face. Upon closer inspection, the Temmies all appeared to have tribal markings along their cheeks. It was mostly scribbles and child-like drawings of stars and tic-tac-toe games, but it was tribal markings nonetheless! Instead of their usual blue shirts, these Temmies wore jungle leaf garb, complete with coconut bikinis. Although, there were absolutely no coconut trees down here, so who knows where the Temmies got that.

“I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST A MYTH!” Papyrus continued, thrilled. “SANS TOLD ME ABOUT THEM, BUT I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT!” He poked and prodded at the Temmie’s soft porous body. “THEIR BODIES RETAIN AND ABSORB WATER! JUST LIKE HE SAID! WOWWIE!”

He squeezed the Temmie gently, and sure enough, water dripped out of her like a sponge left in a bathtub. Undyne was starting to wonder if she was suffering from a heatstroke.

The tribal drums from before. She had just now noticed it. They were completely off beat. They pounded and pounded, but there was absolutely no rhyme or reason. Somehow, the drums were even off key? How can that happen?!

“plS! cUTe skelinGTON!” The Temmie vibrated happily. “noT cUTE fISHY! pLS ViSIt tRIbe!! tEM hAVe riCH anCESTRY!”

Papyrus pet the creature happily. “WE WOULD BE HONORED!”

* * *

Moist Temmie Village. Centered somewhere in Moist Cave.

Undyne couldn’t believe it. Out here in the pitch black of the jungle, the humid air, the hot rain, stood a tribal Temmie village. The huts were built with the finest of cardboard and markers and stood the test of time against the steamy rain. Tiki torches (also made of cardboard) burned brightly, illuminating the mysterious town. How were the fires burning so brightly in the rain? Those were questions none could answer.

“WOWIE! YOUR VILLAGE IS BEAUTIFUL!” Papyrus cooed, scampering excitedly.

“tHAnk!” A Tem replied cheerfully.

In the center of this humble village was a sight Papyrus and Undyne would never be able to forget for the rest of their lives. Even if they wanted to. And they did. Surrounded by many brightly lit torches stood a huge statue made of pure gold it looked like. The statue was incredibly detailed compared to the poor quality cardboard huts, and it loomed high above all, watching their every move.

“No way. Is that…?” Undyne didn’t want to finish her sentence.

“SANS!” Papyrus yelled in anger, dropping the Temmie with a soft squeak. “WHY IS THERE A GOLD STATUE OF MY BROTHERE HERE?!”

The Moist Temmie vibrated the loose mud off her fur. “tHIS iS ouR gOD! sUPReME oVErLORD!”

Undyne nearly fell to her knees. “What!? Why?!” was all she could muster out.

“hE gIVE gIFT! gIFT Of tEM flAKE!”

“JUST ONE TEM FLAKE?!” Papyrus asked, just as astonished, but mostly angry knowing his brother was probably swindling the poor things.

“tWO! tWO hOLe tEM FlaKE!” The Temmie corrected, as if that made it any more reasonable. “wE giVe deED! hE oWn aLL cAVE! hE nAMe oUR lAND! oUR pEOPLe! riCH hiSTORY!”

“He named this entire jungle Moist Cave. And named you guys the Moist Temmies?” Undyne asked again.

“yE!” The Temmie nodded.

“Kill me.”

“DON’T FORGET ME!” Papyrus added crankily.

The Temmie smiled, ignoring the sarcastic remarks. “U… U sTAY? enJOY trADitiONAL mOiST mEAL!?”

“God, no!” Undyne grimaced. She wanted nothing more than to be out of this immature nightmare.

Knowing an entire race of monster was being taken advantage of by his brother really put Papyrus in a foul mood as well. “NO THANK YOU! WE WILL BE SEEING OURSELVES OUT!”

* * *

The trek back through Moist Cave was just as arduous, but their irritation fueled them. The Temmies were kind enough to guide them back out. They refused to leave however. Moist Cave was their homeland and they were a ‘proud’ people.

Once the dank air was behind them and replaced by the freezing snow of Snowdin, the duo let out a sigh of relief. Absolutely nothing was gained, and everything was lost. At the very least, it was over now. Just a bad unfunny dream that they wouldn’t have to remember if they didn’t want to.

“YOU KNOW WHAT, UNDYNE?” Papyrus said as they trekked back through the snowy forests towards home. “I DON’T THINK I EVER WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH A MOIST CAVE EVER AGAIN.”

“You got that right.”

They felt their moist sins dripping down their backs.


End file.
